Alone Together

 

Photo by Hugh Han on Unsplash

Take a moment to really look at the picture above. What do you see? There are several people on board a metro train. It appears to be in another country because of the writing on some of the advertisements hanging around. The train must be moving since everyone is holding on. Oh, and I almost forgot... Almost everyone in sight is looking at their smartphone. 

Over the past few weeks, we have talked a lot about the positive effects social media has on our world. However, today I want to focus on decoding what our world is turning to now that we do rely on technology so much. While being constantly connected can be a great thing, it is also teaching the upcoming generations a brand new way to build relationships that is not very effective. Personally, I believe we are building a false idea of what a personal relationship was originally designed to be. As Sherry Turkle said in her TED Talk, Connected, but alone: 

"We're getting used to a new way of being alone together. People want to be with each other, but also elsewhere -- connected to all the different places they want to be. People want to customize their lives. They want to go in and out of all the places they are because the thing that matters most to them is control over where they put their attention. So you want to go to that board meeting, but you only want to pay attention to the bits that interest you. And some people think that's a good thing. But you can end up hiding from each other, even as we're all constantly connected to each other."

This TED Talk was delivered in 2012 by Sherry Turkle, but the MIT Social Studies of Science and Technology in the Program in Science, Technology, and Society helped compile the necessary research to support her arguments.  You can view the entire TED Talk here.

The main purpose of Connected, but alone was to describe the ways in which we as a society have become so reliant upon smartphones and other technological devices that we are no longer learning fundamental skills, such as how to communicate and form relationships with one another face-to-face. Turkle goes on to share that many people dislike face-to-face conversations because they cannot control the narrative in real-time the way they can through text. This new way of life is allowing people to become more reserved. We ignore working through emotions we do not want to deal with by mindlessly scrolling on our phones, sending messages to our family saying we are fine, and simply blocking people we no longer want to associate with. When the going gets tough, we simply check out.

While the upcoming generation may feel more connected to the world than ever before, we are truly more isolated than ever—simply relying on the words in short a text message to help build meaningful relationships with the people sitting across from us every day. "Relationships" are being formed all over the world, but there is a certain depth missing from these artificial bonds that can only be made through a genuine connection that is gained by two or more people spending time learning about each other in a face-to-face setting.

Think about how the dating scene has changed over the past few decades. Long gone are the days of courtship where a man would ask a woman's parents for permission to take her on a date. In fact, many dates no longer begin with a knock on a door with flowers. Rather, they now begin with a quick text message that says something along the lines of, "I'm here" before the couple rides off to sit across from each other on their phones while in a restaurant. 

Today's teenagers rely on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge to connect with each other. Rather than meeting people the natural way, people are swiping left and right to decide if they want to connect with others simply based off of a few pictures and shallow questions. While these applications were made to enhance the dating process by introducing people before encouraging them to meet up in real life, many teens find it hard to get out of the "talking" phase to actually go on a first date. They would rather get to know a person through the phone than actually meet up in person because they do not like the unedited versions of themselves as much as they like their social profile version.

In 2019, Pew Research Center conducted a survey of 4,860 U.S. adults to see how technology was affecting the communication in relationships between romantic partners. The study found that 51% of partnered adults in the U.S. said that their partner is "often or sometimes distracted by their cellphone while they are trying to have a conversation with them." It also found that approximately 23% of these adults have felt jealous or unsure of their relationships because of their partner's interaction on social media sites. Finally, 48% of the adults said that they believe social media to be an extremely important tool when showing affection for their partner.

I wish that this was a harder pill to swallow, but the numbers seem to add up to my own personal experiences as well. Dating in today's time seems like an impossible task because many people would rather talk through a phone than they would face to face. 

In order to combat this self-isolation caused by modern-day technology, I plan to be more mindful of the time I spend on my phone. I also want to be more intentional with the way I interact with my family, friends, and coworkers in a face-to-face environment. The only way for us to truly connect with each other is to choose to be intentional with our words on a daily basis. 

So, with that in mind, let me leave you with this question...

What can you do to make your relationships more authentic again?

References:

Turkle, S. (2012). Connected, but alone? TED. Retrieved September 12, 2021, from https://www.ted.com/talks/sherry_turkle_connected_but_alone?utm_source=tedcomshare&utm_medium=social&utm_campaign=tedspread.

Vogels, E. A., & Anderson, M. (2021, June 5). Dating and Relationships in the Digital Age. Pew Research Center: Internet, Science & Tech. Retrieved September 12, 2021, from https://www.pewresearch.org/internet/2020/05/08/dating-and-relationships-in-the-digital-age/.